School

Oh lookie a hole in the BSD internet security, they don't block blogger. So here we go a nice little reflection.

In the Long Run
We are all prisoners of ourselves,
As we walk down the pathway,
Being all they expect from us,
The truth is too much for them,
As they eat up the lies readily,
Continuing to live in their fantasy world,
Which may seem better in the short run,
But it eats you up in the long run,
Trust me,
Been there,
Got the T-shirt,
Won't be going back for a return trip,
As I can now clearly see the bliss in honesty,
But it's still not in reach,
Safety is safe,
It's nice and predictable,
Even if it could be better in theory,
So we stay here in our pile of lies,
Still swimming.

Japanese Oral Presentation

Hem the passing time music came on as we did our last practice run-through (it was chaotic to say the least).

もしもしグレさんのおたくですか。Hello, is this (my name's) residence?

はい、話す。これはだれがいますか。Yes, speaking. Who is this?

私の名前はヘイリーです。明日のしゅくだいは何ですか。My name is (her name). What is tomorrow's homework?

明日のしゅくだいはたくさんがあります。Tomorrow's homework is a lot.

そうですか。日本語のしゅくだいは何がいりますか。Is that so. what Japanese homework do we need tomorrow?

明日はウイークエンドあります。 Tomorrow is the weekend.

来週のげつ曜日に日本語のしゅくだいは何ですか。Do we have any Japanese homework on next week's Monday?

げつ曜日は A日あります。日本語のきょうしつはB日です。Monday is a "A" day. We have Japanese class on B days.

そうですか。火曜日の日本語のきょうしつにしゅくだいは何が　いりますか。Is that so. What Japanese homework do we need for tuesday?

火曜日のしゅくだいは漢字のパケトーとレソーン六をいります。Tuesday's homework is the workbook lesson 6 and the kanji packet.

すごい。とても少ししゅくだいをする。Wow. Very little to do.

えええと。ヘイリーさんはうそずきです。 Ummm. You are lieing.

がんばったね。Good luck, you can do it.

じゃね。Bye.

じゃね。Bye.

Being Thoughtful

The Escapist Theory
Your help isn't helpful,
Simply drowning me further,
While I'm starting to rise,
This will be over soon,
They all promised,
But you're killing me,
Harming me,
Restricting me,
I just want to be able to be for a few minutes,
Escape,
Some watch movies,
Others escape into virtual realities,
Several read,
Still others write,
A means to tell tales,
That could spin your pretty little head around,
And shock the world into a entirely new dimension.

Three Types of Teen Guys in this World

They are either the jerks, the nerds(that don't even realize that you're female), or the overly courteous ones that make you want to rip your hair out, cause heck yes I can open that door myself.

So starting with the jerks. Often these are the guys we fall for on first glance, but then we start to talk to them... and they won't stop talking about what they're life's woes (or latest obsession). They might also be the ones staring at your chest and very much deserve that slap in the face (okay so nearly every guy deserves a slap in a face). Sure they might seem like a good idea initially but it shouldn't take to long to figure out that these idiots aren't in it for the long run.

Now to the nerds... ahh the science, computer, alternate universe obsessed nerds. These are the most difficult to deal with, we often tend to pity these types, or laugh as they misinterpret something we said thinking that we could ever like them (hmmm were we kidding? You'll never know). It's exceedingly difficult to find out where their heads are some of the time so, watching these from a safe distance before approaching is wise.

And over to the overly courteous(the reason I wrote this post today). I personally hate it when guys (or girls for that matter) hold doors open or do anything beyond what they need to do for me. I like to handle myself and be independent. I walk fast(bad left-over habit from the terrible years of middle school-- ahh the horror stories I could tell), and it takes a lot of restraint to bring myself to slow down to talk, I still have bad shyness issues that come out of the careful ties every once and a while, and you guys trying to help me out doesn't do much for me, all I interpret unneeded help to mean is that you pity me. So when anyone holds the door open for me when I'm perfectly capable, I won't say thank you, or even anything beyond a grunt or nice-ish mumble. Though that being said, I will thank people when I do actually need help or it would have caused me a large inconvenience (i.e. being late to school or late to class etc). My assumption is that we all have different opinions when it comes to this third type and I wanted to know what all of you thought.

The Third Shelfari Friend Request Decline

It takes a decent amount of effort to get yourself declined by my standards, all three of the members I've declined have filed into the following 2 categories:
-Flat out weird/annoying
-Telling me that the book they published is perfect for me (I do investigate and follow links provided, trust me that last one had a bad blog with equally frustrating and biased words in neon blue on it).
-Oh and each of the three have also been middle-aged men to boot.

So what I've taken from this random thinking is that when I write my novel during university (which I will do) to make a good appealing non-eye-burning-out blog for it, and not force the book on people who it was not made for.

Also a comment on the belief that teens are idiots. We are not idiots (okay some of us aren't), don't expect us to just trust everyone and believe anything, we can read between the lies and see when we're being lied to, so just don't even try it, it's not worth your time or our's.

Beaverdom Here I Come

I may not technically have been accepted yet, but it's as good as sealed. I will be going to OSU (the Oregon one), and even though I'm relieved not to have to stress about where I'm going to school next year, I still feel a little like I'm letting myself down by not trying harder to get into a better college even though I know I'll be perfectly happy at OSU. On last count, six of my twenty person class is enrolling at OSU come fall 2010 so I'll be in fine company. And I'll only be a couple hours from Razza, and come sophomore year I'll be able to live just off campus and bring Razza down to Corvallis with me :) It's so strange finally planning out more than a day ahead, after these two years of IB hell, but I must say it's strangely sweet. So now I've got my OSU alumni (both parents went also) calendar on my bulletin board and for the first time I'm actually not stressed about what next fall will bring my way. My mom finally gets it that I honestly will be happy at OSU (she was the one trying to push me to get into these little elite liberal arts colleges- I did get on one of the waiting lists though). And now I can continue through the rest of this school year with a fixed gaze on the shining light at the end of the tunnel.

The Real Truth

Over the last couple days I just haven't been myself. Screaming at my parents at the slightest comment about anything not in the very near (hourly) future, randomly crying over the smallest things, breaking down completely for an hour after realizing that the only people that really get it are as emotionally torn apart as me right now and don't have the stability to help me out of my hole either. I think I finally get the real truth to mastering IB diploma and the reason they select who gets to take the program and who doesn't in most schools, most teens can't handle this stress, and me personally I'm fairly sure I'm not right now.

A Pretty Facade
Honesty is a virtue,
But is it a virtue that I care about right now,
No,
Honesty is for those who have the luxury of knowing where the next week takes them,
Moody comments,
Unexpected lengthy mental breakdowns,
False images of confidence and outward security are the real images,
What I wouldn't give for even one day a month to just relax,
Nothing due today,
Nothing due tomorrow,
No stress about the small or big things for a little while,
Then build back slowly with the small things to a safe level.

Entanglements
Loud, obnoxious repugnant noise pounding in ever tip of my body,
Though I wish for sweet sappy music gently keeping me afloat,
I wouldn't turn down the opportunity for silence,
The old me may have been insecure and fugly,
But at least she knew who she was,
She didn't spend hours agonizing over analyzation,
Or beauty,
The new me,
Sees only in the minute,
Never prepared to far out,
Never feeling happiness,
Just feeling emptiness at best,
There has to be a way to be both and become better,
No longer ready to make decisions helplessly,
No longer feeling fed up and just hitting pause for several hour breaks,
Reality can be overwhelming but we shouldn't have to dive into ourselves,
Or others to escape our own entanglements,
To enjoy the feeling of love,
Not some mutually assured destruction binding us together by common circumstance.