Monday, July 26, 2010

Waiting for College... Impatiently

So after not gaining a tangible thing from all the time and stress that stemmed from trying to get a International Baccalaureate, I'm now onto the search and buy process for my dorm room. I have a international student as my  roommate.. also known as I won't know anything about them till I meet them the first week of school. So far I've bought a cute black ottoman (cube with a bunch of storage inside), which is currently enjoying holding all my library books so my mom can't tell how many I have. I've also gotten my bedding set (yay grey flowers) though I need to find a colorful decorative pillow since grey would drive my mind insane.

Also two days ago I found a snake in my bathroom (I was home alone to make it worse). I was just leaving the bathroom after doing my hair and heard that horrid noise on the linoleum-- I still can't go in that room mentally. Currently no matter which restroom/bathroom I use I check around the toilet before sitting down, I'm completely paranoid, it's terrible. Keep in mind snakes are my worst nightmares. Sure we don't have any poisonousness killer snakes up here, and it was only a grey gardener snake and not even a really big one at that. Still imagine yourself in my shoes, I'd never seen a ... snake inside the house before. Let alone on the second floor of the house, the species scares me to death beyond words. It's still early and I absolutely HATE mornings, I hear that sound on the linoleum (I'll remember that sound for decades), I spin around--- screaming at the top of my lungs--- I see a foot or so of the dark grey tail push out from behind the toilet. Still screaming at the top of my lungs I run out of the bathroom. I slam the door. I run downstairs and pick up my cell and call my parents and tell them what's going on (they were at lunch), my dad laughed at me and told me to cover the hole below the door with towels so he couldn't escape (which I promptly did against my wishes -- didn't want to be anywhere near that door). At that point my dad said to just deal and wait for a few hours till they got home... I started planning my escape to the mall for the day. But then my mom called back with the phone number to the neighbors who can stand the nasty creatures, so I called the number and they came and removed the creature. Since then I can't bring myself to go into that room minus grabbing my tooth brush/paste and rushing back out.

So then yesterday it had been a good five months since Razza (my beloved dog) had destroyed a pair of my ear phones (before that she had been going a pair a month) apparently she hasn't outgrown that obsession like I thought she had... so yes time to buy yet another pair of ear phones.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Picking the Pen And Journal Up Again

It's been quite a while since I've written poetry, mainly due to my obsession with writing when I'm in a half dream state late at night. Since my definition of "late night" means somewhere around 3am that hasn't exactly been the best for my writing, so I've been slowly working my way back to more like midnight. Here's last night stuff:

In the daylight she inhales,
As well as exhales,
But is never quite all there...
She smiles,
She frowns,
And she also rolls her eyes,
But it never quite feels right.
The daylighters run to and fro,
She leans back and does errands,
Still waiting for the clock to chime,
To chime at 10 signaling her night,
Late enough for retreat,
To escape for her few brief hours,
Nearly always she is safe,
Getting her few scarce hours,
But not today,
On top of her many errands,
The morning bird catches the night,
Forcing the nightbird out of her element,
She squacks,
She caws,
She even hoots,
But nothing can bring back the lost

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Only a few weeks left...

I just completed my fourth IB subject's tests, still two subjects to go, but it's just Biology and Japanese (okay I'm a bit scared of the Japanese writing). And after next Friday (the last day of testing), I have prom xD. We're pairing with another small school, because well both schools are too small to feasibly rent a place. I love my short violet poofy dress and our whole grade (all 16 of us that are going to prom that is) are riding in a limo together to get there from dinner at a friend's house then we also have the limo to get back to a dropping location :). These last three years are such a blur, it's like the last three years were one school year, and it just seems flat out strange to be graduating within simply weeks... I just filled out my senior will, and in between hating on rolling backpacks (really now people note the "back" part), and laughing about the juniors being left the ungodly hours between 1am and 5am for essay writing, it really hit me. If I had been by myself when I wrote it I think I would have legitimatly broken down, but since I was with friends I just kinda laughed off the realization. The last two weeks I've literally only been at school an average of two hours each day to take a IB test, maybe one or four depending on the day. I'm excited that after four years of this school to finally get to senior pranks... and since we're the first graduating class it's obvious we have to leave with a boom, we need a legacy and we won't settle for less xD.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Poetry Rant

I had about three hours free where I just went from poem to poem, these are posted in the order they were written. Hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

Leave me be,
I guess I got my wish,
Soaring above hearing rumors of this that and everything else,
Knowing that no matter what happened in the past all I can do is feel the wind rush through my hair,
How can anyone say they understand anyone,
If you're not in their head it's simply not possible,
Nice knowing you--
Cause I'm embarking on my only trail,
Follow me if you will,
But I'm sure as heck not gonna let anyone else control me.
Leave me be,
And I might consider doing the same for you.
This tongue speaks no lies today,
So listen hard and listen true.
For I only say this once,
I love being me,
Don't screw it up.

What've I done now.
I've made a monster,
Created a disaster waiting to happen.
I could've had it all...
But this is what I get instead,
Thanks life,
Just out of reach,
Tormenting me every second of every minute,
I do this to myself,
With no end in sight,
So many options,
But I chose this one,
Says a lot doesn't it,
Get me out of here,
It shouldn't be hard considering how easy it was to jump...
I miss---
I miss the way things used to go,
Dreaming of a return
but I shouldn't have been so optimistic,
There never really was a chance,
And we all knew it,
So here I am--
Picking up the pieces,
Doing all I can in the face of defeat,
I'm an idiot sometimes,
And wish there was a reset button on life,
Go back about a decade and become a whole different person...
How many things did I burn without even thinking,
I truly hate myself sometimes,
Time to face the music,
And walk to reality,
Never thinking twice,
Sheer instinct leading the way from here on out,
Watch me go,
For you'll never catch me.

Falsified Future is the prologue to the rest
Falsified Future
So much passed me
When my eyes were fluttering open and shut,
As I dreamt of what could be,
What should have been--
How could I ever have let this happen?
So much was going for me,
I held the future in my hands effortlessly,
And you tore me apart,
From the inside out...
Just let me sit here holding myself together,
Hoping no one will walk by and notice,
I'm sick of acting
So many promises,
Falling apart before my eyes,
The kid mumbling that they're done with their homework...
The soul muttering about their lost hopes,
Drifting lost aimless running into walls.
There was a point where she would have given anything--
Anything just to know what really happened,
But all the people would say was that she wasn't ready.
But she was.
And they knew it,
But they weren't.
Embrace the truth,
So much is lost to falsification.
Feel the sweet tendrils of neon lights lick the eyes of every existence,
Be they young, old,
Pale or dark,
Just know that gradients are existent,
And we will never be free.
Her eyes flicker shut.

Part I
The electrical current runs down her spine
Pain echoed only in her eyes.
She doesn't know where to go, who to turn to
All there is is the knowledge that nothing is changing today.
Words bounce around her skull
"Why bother... No one likes me, they look at me with pitying eyes
They stutter out half true words hoping that I'm too stupid..."
Just to know how the world spins.
The current is unending--
A constant reminder of the pain,
The anxiety the pounds against her soul every moment,
They never help her,
Never stop to hold her up and tell her how wonderful she is,
She would be satisfied for life just to know she means something to someone.
How could they,
All she knew was the chill--
The chill that constantly rocked her body,
Tormenting her slowly pulling her to edge,
She never gave completely in,
But oh-
How she danced on that edge,
She danced with such grace and ferocity that the town turned up,
Eyes as large as gulf balls,
And as cold and old as the forgotten bag of golf balls long retired,
Left to rot in the garage with the spiders.
Just turn to her and say the words to make it all right,
You know you could help her,
The electricity short wired rocks through her nerves again.
Help her,
For no matter how she tries,
She can't escape on her own.

Part II
Hurried she rushes out the door,
Rushing into a new decision
Praying something new is in the works,
Something stops her.
The door vibrates,
Telekinetically forcing her backward,
Back into the old traps--
Running around the loss is everywhere,
Her grandfather dieing early,
He meant so much to her not that she'd ever admit it.
Her friendships that were never meant to last,
She was simply standing in...
All she wants is to get out--
And all the windows are barricaded,
And glass would be her end.
For everything she is she can't stand
The possibility of looking the truth in the eye,
So the glass made windows are out of the question,
She walks around with so many hidden qualities
All in an effort to be normal...
What is normal anyway?
He looks at her with eyes that could shoot across her sky like a shooting star.
But the fear consumes him.
And he falls out of her hands as swiftly as hot sand
All it would have taken is one step forward
And a single sentence from him,
But it was too much,
He's just like all the rest...
Despite her dreams.
Hope drains out of her eyes as she falls back into the cold wood.

Part III
How could he
After everything he had told her?
He held her and smiled at her,
Whatever tickled her pink...
Poppies the lush color of red,
Bleeding into the background,
Grinning back at her,
Her attention returns to the main subject by preference...
Why couldn't even this place go her way,
The creepy organisms all around,
But he's here--
So this must be right,
And nothing can be worse that it was.
So things must be looking up right?
He shakes his head.
But this is my damn dream she screeches,

You can ruin my life
You can ruin my hopes.
You can destroy my future.
But my dreams you will never touch,
I will hold my stake in my domain,
And never back down...
The poppies burst and dissolve into the death and loss,
Bloody death now evident to even the slowest being,
Nothing held back,
But you were supposed to help me,
They told me so...
Nothing was as it was how it should be,
And she knew it.
All he knew was that she wasn't his issue.
Help her they screamed
No replies reach her ears,
No replies help her get up to sing her wishes.
Would it kill them to give her some hope
She dreams on,
Despite the nightmares tainting her brainwaves.

Part IV
Waking up
Gritting her teeth all she can think about is that there must be some way,
Some reprieve.
There is no other option,
It just must.
A lasting reminder shakes her frame again,
The anxiety getting to her soul--
And there's nothing to be done but try harder.
Sing her graces for she went on,
Went on when no one else could,
How could anyone do it but sheer will,
Pausing to glance down at her hands and say one last thing to her nay-sayers--
She runs up to her roof by means of kicking out the glass in her sister's room.
Opening her eyes for the first time
The neighbors' eye brows shoot up,
Amazed by her new found confidence and conviction...
Rain begins to pound,
Forcing everyone back indoors.
Besides her,
The one finally embracing reality in its purest form.
She sits there unshaking,
Unmoved by the frozen pelts of liquid,
The mostly unharmed liquid,
Some of it knowably full of man-made toxins released into the air,
But it's real.
And that's all that mattered,
As she stood up and rose her face to the clouds,
No one else knew how she did it.
Working against gravity it was,
But something changed in her,
Power no one else had ever known.

Part V
As she looks down towards the ground
She realizes that she can leave,
She can run,
But the the electricity will follow her--
Continue to tear her soul into pieces,
Pieces that even an expert puzzle solver wouldn't know what to do with.
He did this to her,
He slowly but swiftly collapsed her dreams,
Saying nothing but saying everything,
Everything that would destroy her,
How could he...
All she wanted was to dream,
To reach for the stars and possibly come back happy--
Was that too much of her to ask?
They don't think so,
But he did.
She jumps.
Feeling the euphoria of oxygen and rain,
Keeping her human,
Keeping her real,
They smile sadistically out their windows.
Taking her first step hoping she didn't harm herself too badly,
Things finally feel right,
Just right.
Her life is her's,
No one else has anything that doesn't belong to them in her mind,
And she's ready to move on and leave the torment,
And pain behind her,
The anxiety won't ever leave her system,
But everything considered she's willing to put up with it.
Life is about knowing who you are and working with it,
Finally things were inline,
They could be better but it beat how things could have been,
She'll take it.
Finally there's room to dream,
And move forward she shall,
But forgetfulness is not in her system,
And it won't ever be.

Monday, January 25, 2010


Oh lookie a hole in the BSD internet security, they don't block blogger. So here we go a nice little reflection.

In the Long Run
We are all prisoners of ourselves,
As we walk down the pathway,
Being all they expect from us,
The truth is too much for them,
As they eat up the lies readily,
Continuing to live in their fantasy world,
Which may seem better in the short run,
But it eats you up in the long run,
Trust me,
Been there,
Got the T-shirt,
Won't be going back for a return trip,
As I can now clearly see the bliss in honesty,
But it's still not in reach,
Safety is safe,
It's nice and predictable,
Even if it could be better in theory,
So we stay here in our pile of lies,
Still swimming.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Japanese Oral Presentation

Hem the passing time music came on as we did our last practice run-through (it was chaotic to say the least).

もしもしグレさんのおたくですか。Hello, is this (my name's) residence?

はい、話す。これはだれがいますか。Yes, speaking. Who is this?

私の名前はヘイリーです。明日のしゅくだいは何ですか。My name is (her name). What is tomorrow's homework?

明日のしゅくだいはたくさんがあります。Tomorrow's homework is a lot.

そうですか。日本語のしゅくだいは何がいりますか。Is that so. what Japanese homework do we need tomorrow?

明日はウイークエンドあります。 Tomorrow is the weekend.

来週のげつ曜日に日本語のしゅくだいは何ですか。Do we have any Japanese homework on next week's Monday?

げつ曜日は A日あります。日本語のきょうしつはB日です。Monday is a "A" day. We have Japanese class on B days.

そうですか。火曜日の日本語のきょうしつにしゅくだいは何が いりますか。Is that so. What Japanese homework do we need for tuesday?

火曜日のしゅくだいは漢字のパケトーとレソーン六をいります。Tuesday's homework is the workbook lesson 6 and the kanji packet.

すごい。とても少ししゅくだいをする。Wow. Very little to do.

えええと。ヘイリーさんはうそずきです。 Ummm. You are lieing.

がんばったね。Good luck, you can do it.



Thursday, January 21, 2010

Being Thoughtful

The Escapist Theory
Your help isn't helpful,
Simply drowning me further,
While I'm starting to rise,
This will be over soon,
They all promised,
But you're killing me,
Harming me,
Restricting me,
I just want to be able to be for a few minutes,
Some watch movies,
Others escape into virtual realities,
Several read,
Still others write,
A means to tell tales,
That could spin your pretty little head around,
And shock the world into a entirely new dimension.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Three Types of Teen Guys in this World

They are either the jerks, the nerds(that don't even realize that you're female), or the overly courteous ones that make you want to rip your hair out, cause heck yes I can open that door myself.

So starting with the jerks. Often these are the guys we fall for on first glance, but then we start to talk to them... and they won't stop talking about what they're life's woes (or latest obsession). They might also be the ones staring at your chest and very much deserve that slap in the face (okay so nearly every guy deserves a slap in a face). Sure they might seem like a good idea initially but it shouldn't take to long to figure out that these idiots aren't in it for the long run.

Now to the nerds... ahh the science, computer, alternate universe obsessed nerds. These are the most difficult to deal with, we often tend to pity these types, or laugh as they misinterpret something we said thinking that we could ever like them (hmmm were we kidding? You'll never know). It's exceedingly difficult to find out where their heads are some of the time so, watching these from a safe distance before approaching is wise.

And over to the overly courteous(the reason I wrote this post today). I personally hate it when guys (or girls for that matter) hold doors open or do anything beyond what they need to do for me. I like to handle myself and be independent. I walk fast(bad left-over habit from the terrible years of middle school-- ahh the horror stories I could tell), and it takes a lot of restraint to bring myself to slow down to talk, I still have bad shyness issues that come out of the careful ties every once and a while, and you guys trying to help me out doesn't do much for me, all I interpret unneeded help to mean is that you pity me. So when anyone holds the door open for me when I'm perfectly capable, I won't say thank you, or even anything beyond a grunt or nice-ish mumble. Though that being said, I will thank people when I do actually need help or it would have caused me a large inconvenience (i.e. being late to school or late to class etc). My assumption is that we all have different opinions when it comes to this third type and I wanted to know what all of you thought.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Third Shelfari Friend Request Decline

It takes a decent amount of effort to get yourself declined by my standards, all three of the members I've declined have filed into the following 2 categories:
-Flat out weird/annoying
-Telling me that the book they published is perfect for me (I do investigate and follow links provided, trust me that last one had a bad blog with equally frustrating and biased words in neon blue on it).
-Oh and each of the three have also been middle-aged men to boot.

So what I've taken from this random thinking is that when I write my novel during university (which I will do) to make a good appealing non-eye-burning-out blog for it, and not force the book on people who it was not made for.

Also a comment on the belief that teens are idiots. We are not idiots (okay some of us aren't), don't expect us to just trust everyone and believe anything, we can read between the lies and see when we're being lied to, so just don't even try it, it's not worth your time or our's.

Beaverdom Here I Come

I may not technically have been accepted yet, but it's as good as sealed. I will be going to OSU (the Oregon one), and even though I'm relieved not to have to stress about where I'm going to school next year, I still feel a little like I'm letting myself down by not trying harder to get into a better college even though I know I'll be perfectly happy at OSU. On last count, six of my twenty person class is enrolling at OSU come fall 2010 so I'll be in fine company. And I'll only be a couple hours from Razza, and come sophomore year I'll be able to live just off campus and bring Razza down to Corvallis with me :) It's so strange finally planning out more than a day ahead, after these two years of IB hell, but I must say it's strangely sweet. So now I've got my OSU alumni (both parents went also) calendar on my bulletin board and for the first time I'm actually not stressed about what next fall will bring my way. My mom finally gets it that I honestly will be happy at OSU (she was the one trying to push me to get into these little elite liberal arts colleges- I did get on one of the waiting lists though). And now I can continue through the rest of this school year with a fixed gaze on the shining light at the end of the tunnel.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Real Truth

Over the last couple days I just haven't been myself. Screaming at my parents at the slightest comment about anything not in the very near (hourly) future, randomly crying over the smallest things, breaking down completely for an hour after realizing that the only people that really get it are as emotionally torn apart as me right now and don't have the stability to help me out of my hole either. I think I finally get the real truth to mastering IB diploma and the reason they select who gets to take the program and who doesn't in most schools, most teens can't handle this stress, and me personally I'm fairly sure I'm not right now.

A Pretty Facade
Honesty is a virtue,
But is it a virtue that I care about right now,
Honesty is for those who have the luxury of knowing where the next week takes them,
Moody comments,
Unexpected lengthy mental breakdowns,
False images of confidence and outward security are the real images,
What I wouldn't give for even one day a month to just relax,
Nothing due today,
Nothing due tomorrow,
No stress about the small or big things for a little while,
Then build back slowly with the small things to a safe level.

Loud, obnoxious repugnant noise pounding in ever tip of my body,
Though I wish for sweet sappy music gently keeping me afloat,
I wouldn't turn down the opportunity for silence,
The old me may have been insecure and fugly,
But at least she knew who she was,
She didn't spend hours agonizing over analyzation,
Or beauty,
The new me,
Sees only in the minute,
Never prepared to far out,
Never feeling happiness,
Just feeling emptiness at best,
There has to be a way to be both and become better,
No longer ready to make decisions helplessly,
No longer feeling fed up and just hitting pause for several hour breaks,
Reality can be overwhelming but we shouldn't have to dive into ourselves,
Or others to escape our own entanglements,
To enjoy the feeling of love,
Not some mutually assured destruction binding us together by common circumstance.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Time for a Breather

I am a firm believer that when we hit our maximum capacity for stress, that the correct response is to just "be" for an hour or two. Not necessarily doing anything at all to combat the stress, but instead just letting it float away as we push all of the stress to the side and re-examine our perspective on life. Personally I end up changing my stress elimination method every few months, but so far writing poetry has held fairly strong and extremely helpful for my sanity.

One Stone to the Next
Tender prodding never too overwhelming,
Surrounds me,
Increasingly sharp,
How did that happen,
I could handle and maneuver before,
Take me back to that stage,
While not preferable,
It surely beats jumping from one hot coal to the next,
With the only option being to keep going,
Or burn.

Blissful calm seeping back into all the right places,
That it had been long lost from,
Swiftly sweeping through revitalizing from the toes upward to the brain,
Pulsating through and gently releasing the stress,
Still tender and soft from this long forgotten feeling,
But slowly getting back up and realizing that the world isn't impossible.

Monday, January 11, 2010

To Write an Essay (the humorous approach--)

*First of all a quick disclaimer that following the below might not be the best for your paper's grade.

So your least favorite teacher assigned you an essay, what to do about it? The initial decision that needs to be made is to either:
A)Attempt to focus your inner witch or jedi and destroy the knowledge that it was ever in fact assigned.
B)Realizing that the essay isn't going to self destruct or write its self you open up the word document icon and stare blankly at the white screen with the interesting toolbar.
C)Try to magically make the paper write its self, and or make some little nerdy kid (well not little since you want a good grade...)

Assuming that you went with the more realistic approach of option B (if you chose either A or C... may the force be with you, against all logic), you now need to decide what to fill all that empty space with. And since a little structure wouldn't be a bad idea you hit the tab button and start to think about what this essay's focus will be. Now that you are once again drawing up blank (I know you were), go type your topic into, scan through the brief statements from each of the first ten sites (if they look even somewhat part of your original statement), and since just failed you, you now turn to microsoft's new search engine= and retype in your focus for your essay (don't take me literally and type "focus for your essay" :P). Now that the lovely bing engine just gave you something to write about for a decent bit of your assigned essay you begin tap tap tapping away on your keyboard.

As you continue to type you leave behind massive errors as your once structured essay turns into a long rant (not unlike this one I might add). So you throw in a new paragraph from time to time to make it look better than it really was...

Getting frustrated and wanting to be done with the essay sooner rather than later you begin to type in your complaints into the essay in a snappy way that seems more intelligent than it really is. Hoping your teacher will laugh at your use of wit and humor (well I guess wit can be considered humor :P).

Now that you (the ever so intelligent and witty writer) have written what you consider to be a introduction, and body of the essay you pause. Glancing upward and highlighting the words and hitting the extremely useful word count button you SCREAM as you realize you're no where near the allotted 2,000 words you needed... Oh joy. Rereading over your rambling and sometimes thoughtful strings of words you begin to add in sentences rephrasing the sentence before them for "emphasis"(in all honesty you just wanted another ten words there, but whatever works for you my brilliant teacher).

Then you begin to edit the mess. Every third word seems to be in the incorrect tense and the there/their/they're's are all screwed up. So avoiding the issue for the moment you choose to write the conclusion you never bothered to write... and by some golden magic luck it comes out to way more words than you needed before your sentence re-phrasings. Oh wait. Now you need to cut out words so you're not 500 words OVER the word limit, lovely. So not wanting to actually reread your spastic essay you cut out a couple paragraphs here and there. The word count is back in the parameters and you sigh back into the back of your office rolly chair in relief.

And now to that editing process you just avoided... Clicking the spell check button you agree with everything it pops up with not noticing that it changed your name, your citations of the sources, and the quotes. But yeah you never noticed such a happening -even though it was right in front of your witty brilliant face-.

Now you my friend hit print and use the stapler. After digging around the house to FIND the stapler, you shove the top left corner of your essay into the stapling part. Raising your hand to hovering tentatively over the mechanical engineering marvel, you suddenly WHACK the stapler with your pent up anger from spending the last 3 hours writing that annoying essay that wouldn't burn into a pile of ashes. Pulling the essay out of the contraption you look at the top left corner. There is no staple... You open up the marvel and stare at the spot where the staples should be-it's empty-. So you paper clip the pages together and head off to grab the hour and a half left of sleep before school.

Waking up you notice that you slept through your alarm and it is now an hour into the school day. Rushing through your morning routine but not skimping on the eyeliner and mascara, you grab your paper and decide to grab the keys-and your lunch- and speed to school (hoping the police officer by the corner won't still be there THIS late---he isn't). You get to school and the new security officer your school just hired hands you a detention slip, lovely.

Hurrying off to the class which you wrote the essay for, you open the door. Pulling out the essay from your bag, you gently push the top left corner once again into a mechanical engineering marvel. Raising your hand ready for satisfaction, knowing that the class is thoroughly engrossed with your internal need to release steam. You start the decent to WHACKING the stapler hard. And an idiot comes out of no where and gently pushes the top down. Eyes widening from both you and the class watching you, you begin to glare intensely and the guy who had the audacity to take your sense of joy of banging the stapler away.

Taking a deep breath you throw your hideous essay into the basket and take your seat and proceed to drift in and out of consciousness.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

College Application Advice

Here's the shortened version:
NEVER, EVER, Wait until the deadlines to fill out your second and third college apps
*Sounds so simple and self intuitive doesn't it? But no matter what you tell yourself, this is an extremely easy trap to fall into. And not to mention that waiting until the middle of January to fill out the second and third applications (both on different formats) will screw up your school work turn-in royally.

So now that you have been foolish enough to fall into this lovely trap of work piles in every corner because you have been filling out the ever-so-comforting college applications, and have finally finished the load (I promise the end is in sight), you turn to the pile of actual school work that you have put off for the last week and a half, along with all the studying you need to catch-up on. Your once perfectly spotless room (I swear mom I used to be a neat freak, honest) and your OCD clean dog glares at you for piling her personal chair (that used to be your reading chair) with loads of clean laundry that you never bothered to waste the time hanging up or even dumping on the shelf in your closet. Everything around you shows you a shadowy version of the nice perfect student/child you were just a week and a half ago. Can you clean up this mess yet? The answer is no. You still have that ever-so-thoughtful pile of actual homework that you put off.

So the moral. DO NOT PUT COLLEGE APPLICATIONS OFF UNTIL THE DEADLINES. Preferably write them during August or quite possibly September or October. Just don't fall into this mess that I have trapped myself in and will slowly climb out of.