School

Oh lookie a hole in the BSD internet security, they don't block blogger. So here we go a nice little reflection.

In the Long Run
We are all prisoners of ourselves,
As we walk down the pathway,
Being all they expect from us,
The truth is too much for them,
As they eat up the lies readily,
Continuing to live in their fantasy world,
Which may seem better in the short run,
But it eats you up in the long run,
Trust me,
Been there,
Got the T-shirt,
Won't be going back for a return trip,
As I can now clearly see the bliss in honesty,
But it's still not in reach,
Safety is safe,
It's nice and predictable,
Even if it could be better in theory,
So we stay here in our pile of lies,
Still swimming.

Japanese Oral Presentation

Hem the passing time music came on as we did our last practice run-through (it was chaotic to say the least).

もしもしグレさんのおたくですか。Hello, is this (my name's) residence?

はい、話す。これはだれがいますか。Yes, speaking. Who is this?

私の名前はヘイリーです。明日のしゅくだいは何ですか。My name is (her name). What is tomorrow's homework?

明日のしゅくだいはたくさんがあります。Tomorrow's homework is a lot.

そうですか。日本語のしゅくだいは何がいりますか。Is that so. what Japanese homework do we need tomorrow?

明日はウイークエンドあります。 Tomorrow is the weekend.

来週のげつ曜日に日本語のしゅくだいは何ですか。Do we have any Japanese homework on next week's Monday?

げつ曜日は A日あります。日本語のきょうしつはB日です。Monday is a "A" day. We have Japanese class on B days.

そうですか。火曜日の日本語のきょうしつにしゅくだいは何が　いりますか。Is that so. What Japanese homework do we need for tuesday?

火曜日のしゅくだいは漢字のパケトーとレソーン六をいります。Tuesday's homework is the workbook lesson 6 and the kanji packet.

すごい。とても少ししゅくだいをする。Wow. Very little to do.

えええと。ヘイリーさんはうそずきです。 Ummm. You are lieing.

がんばったね。Good luck, you can do it.

じゃね。Bye.

じゃね。Bye.

Being Thoughtful

The Escapist Theory
Your help isn't helpful,
Simply drowning me further,
While I'm starting to rise,
This will be over soon,
They all promised,
But you're killing me,
Harming me,
Restricting me,
I just want to be able to be for a few minutes,
Escape,
Some watch movies,
Others escape into virtual realities,
Several read,
Still others write,
A means to tell tales,
That could spin your pretty little head around,
And shock the world into a entirely new dimension.

Three Types of Teen Guys in this World

They are either the jerks, the nerds(that don't even realize that you're female), or the overly courteous ones that make you want to rip your hair out, cause heck yes I can open that door myself.

So starting with the jerks. Often these are the guys we fall for on first glance, but then we start to talk to them... and they won't stop talking about what they're life's woes (or latest obsession). They might also be the ones staring at your chest and very much deserve that slap in the face (okay so nearly every guy deserves a slap in a face). Sure they might seem like a good idea initially but it shouldn't take to long to figure out that these idiots aren't in it for the long run.

Now to the nerds... ahh the science, computer, alternate universe obsessed nerds. These are the most difficult to deal with, we often tend to pity these types, or laugh as they misinterpret something we said thinking that we could ever like them (hmmm were we kidding? You'll never know). It's exceedingly difficult to find out where their heads are some of the time so, watching these from a safe distance before approaching is wise.

And over to the overly courteous(the reason I wrote this post today). I personally hate it when guys (or girls for that matter) hold doors open or do anything beyond what they need to do for me. I like to handle myself and be independent. I walk fast(bad left-over habit from the terrible years of middle school-- ahh the horror stories I could tell), and it takes a lot of restraint to bring myself to slow down to talk, I still have bad shyness issues that come out of the careful ties every once and a while, and you guys trying to help me out doesn't do much for me, all I interpret unneeded help to mean is that you pity me. So when anyone holds the door open for me when I'm perfectly capable, I won't say thank you, or even anything beyond a grunt or nice-ish mumble. Though that being said, I will thank people when I do actually need help or it would have caused me a large inconvenience (i.e. being late to school or late to class etc). My assumption is that we all have different opinions when it comes to this third type and I wanted to know what all of you thought.

The Third Shelfari Friend Request Decline

It takes a decent amount of effort to get yourself declined by my standards, all three of the members I've declined have filed into the following 2 categories:
-Flat out weird/annoying
-Telling me that the book they published is perfect for me (I do investigate and follow links provided, trust me that last one had a bad blog with equally frustrating and biased words in neon blue on it).
-Oh and each of the three have also been middle-aged men to boot.

So what I've taken from this random thinking is that when I write my novel during university (which I will do) to make a good appealing non-eye-burning-out blog for it, and not force the book on people who it was not made for.

Also a comment on the belief that teens are idiots. We are not idiots (okay some of us aren't), don't expect us to just trust everyone and believe anything, we can read between the lies and see when we're being lied to, so just don't even try it, it's not worth your time or our's.

Beaverdom Here I Come

I may not technically have been accepted yet, but it's as good as sealed. I will be going to OSU (the Oregon one), and even though I'm relieved not to have to stress about where I'm going to school next year, I still feel a little like I'm letting myself down by not trying harder to get into a better college even though I know I'll be perfectly happy at OSU. On last count, six of my twenty person class is enrolling at OSU come fall 2010 so I'll be in fine company. And I'll only be a couple hours from Razza, and come sophomore year I'll be able to live just off campus and bring Razza down to Corvallis with me :) It's so strange finally planning out more than a day ahead, after these two years of IB hell, but I must say it's strangely sweet. So now I've got my OSU alumni (both parents went also) calendar on my bulletin board and for the first time I'm actually not stressed about what next fall will bring my way. My mom finally gets it that I honestly will be happy at OSU (she was the one trying to push me to get into these little elite liberal arts colleges- I did get on one of the waiting lists though). And now I can continue through the rest of this school year with a fixed gaze on the shining light at the end of the tunnel.

The Real Truth

Over the last couple days I just haven't been myself. Screaming at my parents at the slightest comment about anything not in the very near (hourly) future, randomly crying over the smallest things, breaking down completely for an hour after realizing that the only people that really get it are as emotionally torn apart as me right now and don't have the stability to help me out of my hole either. I think I finally get the real truth to mastering IB diploma and the reason they select who gets to take the program and who doesn't in most schools, most teens can't handle this stress, and me personally I'm fairly sure I'm not right now.

A Pretty Facade
Honesty is a virtue,
But is it a virtue that I care about right now,
No,
Honesty is for those who have the luxury of knowing where the next week takes them,
Moody comments,
Unexpected lengthy mental breakdowns,
False images of confidence and outward security are the real images,
What I wouldn't give for even one day a month to just relax,
Nothing due today,
Nothing due tomorrow,
No stress about the small or big things for a little while,
Then build back slowly with the small things to a safe level.

Entanglements
Loud, obnoxious repugnant noise pounding in ever tip of my body,
Though I wish for sweet sappy music gently keeping me afloat,
I wouldn't turn down the opportunity for silence,
The old me may have been insecure and fugly,
But at least she knew who she was,
She didn't spend hours agonizing over analyzation,
Or beauty,
The new me,
Sees only in the minute,
Never prepared to far out,
Never feeling happiness,
Just feeling emptiness at best,
There has to be a way to be both and become better,
No longer ready to make decisions helplessly,
No longer feeling fed up and just hitting pause for several hour breaks,
Reality can be overwhelming but we shouldn't have to dive into ourselves,
Or others to escape our own entanglements,
To enjoy the feeling of love,
Not some mutually assured destruction binding us together by common circumstance.

Time for a Breather

I am a firm believer that when we hit our maximum capacity for stress, that the correct response is to just "be" for an hour or two. Not necessarily doing anything at all to combat the stress, but instead just letting it float away as we push all of the stress to the side and re-examine our perspective on life. Personally I end up changing my stress elimination method every few months, but so far writing poetry has held fairly strong and extremely helpful for my sanity.

One Stone to the Next
Tender prodding never too overwhelming,
Surrounds me,
Increasingly sharp,
How did that happen,
I could handle and maneuver before,
Take me back to that stage,
While not preferable,
It surely beats jumping from one hot coal to the next,
With the only option being to keep going,
Or burn.

Serenity
Blissful calm seeping back into all the right places,
That it had been long lost from,
Swiftly sweeping through revitalizing from the toes upward to the brain,
Pulsating through and gently releasing the stress,
Still tender and soft from this long forgotten feeling,
But slowly getting back up and realizing that the world isn't impossible.

To Write an Essay (the humorous approach--)

*First of all a quick disclaimer that following the below might not be the best for your paper's grade.

So your least favorite teacher assigned you an essay, what to do about it? The initial decision that needs to be made is to either:
A)Attempt to focus your inner witch or jedi and destroy the knowledge that it was ever in fact assigned.
B)Realizing that the essay isn't going to self destruct or write its self you open up the word document icon and stare blankly at the white screen with the interesting toolbar.
C)Try to magically make the paper write its self, and or make some little nerdy kid (well not little since you want a good grade...)

Assuming that you went with the more realistic approach of option B (if you chose either A or C... may the force be with you, against all logic), you now need to decide what to fill all that empty space with. And since a little structure wouldn't be a bad idea you hit the tab button and start to think about what this essay's focus will be. Now that you are once again drawing up blank (I know you were), go type your topic into google.com, scan through the brief statements from each of the first ten sites (if they look even somewhat part of your original statement), and since google.com just failed you, you now turn to microsoft's new search engine= http://www.bing.com and retype in your focus for your essay (don't take me literally and type "focus for your essay" :P). Now that the lovely bing engine just gave you something to write about for a decent bit of your assigned essay you begin tap tap tapping away on your keyboard.

As you continue to type you leave behind massive errors as your once structured essay turns into a long rant (not unlike this one I might add). So you throw in a new paragraph from time to time to make it look better than it really was...

Getting frustrated and wanting to be done with the essay sooner rather than later you begin to type in your complaints into the essay in a snappy way that seems more intelligent than it really is. Hoping your teacher will laugh at your use of wit and humor (well I guess wit can be considered humor :P).

Now that you (the ever so intelligent and witty writer) have written what you consider to be a introduction, and body of the essay you pause. Glancing upward and highlighting the words and hitting the extremely useful word count button you SCREAM as you realize you're no where near the allotted 2,000 words you needed... Oh joy. Rereading over your rambling and sometimes thoughtful strings of words you begin to add in sentences rephrasing the sentence before them for "emphasis"(in all honesty you just wanted another ten words there, but whatever works for you my brilliant teacher).

Then you begin to edit the mess. Every third word seems to be in the incorrect tense and the there/their/they're's are all screwed up. So avoiding the issue for the moment you choose to write the conclusion you never bothered to write... and by some golden magic luck it comes out to way more words than you needed before your sentence re-phrasings. Oh wait. Now you need to cut out words so you're not 500 words OVER the word limit, lovely. So not wanting to actually reread your spastic essay you cut out a couple paragraphs here and there. The word count is back in the parameters and you sigh back into the back of your office rolly chair in relief.

And now to that editing process you just avoided... Clicking the spell check button you agree with everything it pops up with not noticing that it changed your name, your citations of the sources, and the quotes. But yeah you never noticed such a happening -even though it was right in front of your witty brilliant face-.

Now you my friend hit print and use the stapler. After digging around the house to FIND the stapler, you shove the top left corner of your essay into the stapling part. Raising your hand to hovering tentatively over the mechanical engineering marvel, you suddenly WHACK the stapler with your pent up anger from spending the last 3 hours writing that annoying essay that wouldn't burn into a pile of ashes. Pulling the essay out of the contraption you look at the top left corner. There is no staple... You open up the marvel and stare at the spot where the staples should be-it's empty-. So you paper clip the pages together and head off to grab the hour and a half left of sleep before school.

RING RING RING RRRRRRIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!
....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Waking up you notice that you slept through your alarm and it is now an hour into the school day. Rushing through your morning routine but not skimping on the eyeliner and mascara, you grab your paper and decide to grab the keys-and your lunch- and speed to school (hoping the police officer by the corner won't still be there THIS late---he isn't). You get to school and the new security officer your school just hired hands you a detention slip, lovely.

Hurrying off to the class which you wrote the essay for, you open the door. Pulling out the essay from your bag, you gently push the top left corner once again into a mechanical engineering marvel. Raising your hand ready for satisfaction, knowing that the class is thoroughly engrossed with your internal need to release steam. You start the decent to WHACKING the stapler hard. And an idiot comes out of no where and gently pushes the top down. Eyes widening from both you and the class watching you, you begin to glare intensely and the guy who had the audacity to take your sense of joy of banging the stapler away.

Taking a deep breath you throw your hideous essay into the basket and take your seat and proceed to drift in and out of consciousness.

College Application Advice

Here's the shortened version:
NEVER, EVER, Wait until the deadlines to fill out your second and third college apps
*Sounds so simple and self intuitive doesn't it? But no matter what you tell yourself, this is an extremely easy trap to fall into. And not to mention that waiting until the middle of January to fill out the second and third applications (both on different formats) will screw up your school work turn-in royally.

So now that you have been foolish enough to fall into this lovely trap of work piles in every corner because you have been filling out the ever-so-comforting college applications, and have finally finished the load (I promise the end is in sight), you turn to the pile of actual school work that you have put off for the last week and a half, along with all the studying you need to catch-up on. Your once perfectly spotless room (I swear mom I used to be a neat freak, honest) and your OCD clean dog glares at you for piling her personal chair (that used to be your reading chair) with loads of clean laundry that you never bothered to waste the time hanging up or even dumping on the shelf in your closet. Everything around you shows you a shadowy version of the nice perfect student/child you were just a week and a half ago. Can you clean up this mess yet? The answer is no. You still have that ever-so-thoughtful pile of actual homework that you put off.

So the moral. DO NOT PUT COLLEGE APPLICATIONS OFF UNTIL THE DEADLINES. Preferably write them during August or quite possibly September or October. Just don't fall into this mess that I have trapped myself in and will slowly climb out of.