Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Real Truth

Over the last couple days I just haven't been myself. Screaming at my parents at the slightest comment about anything not in the very near (hourly) future, randomly crying over the smallest things, breaking down completely for an hour after realizing that the only people that really get it are as emotionally torn apart as me right now and don't have the stability to help me out of my hole either. I think I finally get the real truth to mastering IB diploma and the reason they select who gets to take the program and who doesn't in most schools, most teens can't handle this stress, and me personally I'm fairly sure I'm not right now.

A Pretty Facade
Honesty is a virtue,
But is it a virtue that I care about right now,
Honesty is for those who have the luxury of knowing where the next week takes them,
Moody comments,
Unexpected lengthy mental breakdowns,
False images of confidence and outward security are the real images,
What I wouldn't give for even one day a month to just relax,
Nothing due today,
Nothing due tomorrow,
No stress about the small or big things for a little while,
Then build back slowly with the small things to a safe level.

Loud, obnoxious repugnant noise pounding in ever tip of my body,
Though I wish for sweet sappy music gently keeping me afloat,
I wouldn't turn down the opportunity for silence,
The old me may have been insecure and fugly,
But at least she knew who she was,
She didn't spend hours agonizing over analyzation,
Or beauty,
The new me,
Sees only in the minute,
Never prepared to far out,
Never feeling happiness,
Just feeling emptiness at best,
There has to be a way to be both and become better,
No longer ready to make decisions helplessly,
No longer feeling fed up and just hitting pause for several hour breaks,
Reality can be overwhelming but we shouldn't have to dive into ourselves,
Or others to escape our own entanglements,
To enjoy the feeling of love,
Not some mutually assured destruction binding us together by common circumstance.

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